Regression

... or perhaps this should be title "Non Sequitur." Because I have a lot of thoughts in my head.


First of all, let me treat you to what may be the last food photo you may see around these parts for some time -- my dinner at JFK last Thursday night. Because now I'm dealing with my depression weight. And the actual food that I consume? Boring. I have gained seven pounds since July. In July I wanted to lose weight. Every time I look in the mirror these days, I get a little depressed. Yeah, I know that in everyone else's book, I'm thin. Not in mine. Because in my current state, I would never wear a bathing suit. This realization earlier this week made me want to crawl back into bed and pull the comforter over my head. Instead I started monitoring my intake. That's the regression. Because now my net intake is down to about 1300 calories a day. Even if I sit on my ass all day. And today I know my coworkers have started questioning my sanity since my lunch for the last two days has consisted of liquids. I swear that things will get more balanced in the coming weeks once I deal with the stuff in the fridge. (And hey. I'm shooting for 1300 and not the 1100 I had thought of earlier this week.)

So now I bury myself in music and TV when I get home. I have little patience with folks who say, "You know what? This show really sucks." Well, why the hell did you watch it if you didn't like it? If you could not find one redeeming quality in it? What? You had to write about it online? Is someone paying you to do such? If not, then turn the damn channel or else shut the fuck up. Because I just have no patience for anyone who wants to whine about shit -- including their own lives. You don't like where your life is going? Then do something about it and tell me about that stuff. Otherwise? Yeah, you guessed it. Shut the fuck up.

Here's the thing. I have lost four close relatives in the last 15 months. Two of these deaths were completely unexpected. The other two? In my mind I was sure they were terminal -- including my aunt who died last summer. And here's the thing. My aunt? She was DYING. But she never showed this to the rest of us. Now I'm sorry but I think that if you're dying, you have the right to whine away. But she didn't. And now I'm subjected to folks whining about shit that is so much less. Yep. Suck it up and shut up. I don't want to hear about your trivial ass shit. If you're in doubt, start whining and if I'm not being the polite person my mama raised me to be, I will tell you that your shit is trivial and all.

And so I leave you with a favorite from my childhood. Sly has a way of making me forget all the bullshit in the world.