Balancing act

As some of you already know, my dad has been in the hospital for a little over a week. Pancreatitis from his alcoholism, the treatment of which has irritated the COPD from his cigar smoking. As is normally the case in this kind of situation, there has been a great deal of family drama.

Add to this that my mother is still in town and it's Mother's Day weekend. Oh, and that this is the really busy stressful time at work. I snapped yesterday on my way to pick up my mother while talking to Uncle Crickity Crack. There was lots of yelling on my part including the words, "Shut the fuck up!" before I hung up the phone. As I continued driving, I just let the tears stream. I have driven to Sacramento twice in the past week. That's 180 miles round-trip for me. One trip on Wednesday and one on Friday. The only day this week that I didn't go to work for at least part of the day was Friday. By Saturday I was feeling emotionally and physically burnt.

But Saturday brought one ray of sunshine. Weeks ago my mother and I planned to attend the annual flower show at Filoli. The theme this year was "Filoli Goes to the Movies." Below are some of the arrangements with the movie that inspired them -- if I actually remembered. Yep. I didn't take notes so this is from memory. I think I did a pretty good job considering.

And yes, the flowers were just what I needed after this past week.

The Wedding Planner


Finding Nemo

A Chorus Line

Phantom of the Opera

Titanic

Titanic


Finian's Rainbow

Four Weddings and a Funeral

Joy Luck Club

The Devil Wears Prada

Hidden gem

It seems that there were only two takers on Sunday's contest -- David Dust and Maddie. Well, they were both correct and since I bought two items for prizes, they will each be receiving their prize soon.

The most time I spent at any one location on Sunday in my travels was at Filoli. Numerous movies and TV shows have used the estate for filming but as Maddie correctly surmised, I was looking for Dynasty. And yes, what many think of as the home of the Carringtons is actually Filoli.

I started off with the self-guided tour of the house.








And then it was on to the gardens. I didn't cover all of them. Apparently there are 16 acres of gardens.









I wrapped up my visit with lunch in the cafe. While eating, I thought about returning. And so I became a member. That way if I want to get out and am stuck for an idea, I can just pop over for a quick visit.

My Pacific

During this past week, I thought about my connection with water. I mean I am a Cancer after all. And so many Cancers I know have a great love of water -- not necessarily being on it but being by it. It makes me wonder about this whole astrology thing.

Me? I love being by water. I love being on it. I remember being on Lake Berryessa at age nine or so and riding on the front (Shoot me for not knowing the technical term.) of a boat. Riding on a catamaran on Mission Bay in San Diego. Or speeding across Chesapeake Bay, many years later, in the front of a Chaparral. On the latter, I felt every bump to the point that I thought that I just had to have visible bruises over most of my body. I see a large body of water and a calm comes over me. Suddenly all the stuff that has been jumbling around in my head, falls into place and makes sense. The bigger the body of water, the greater the clarity.

And then I started thinking about where I have lived over my life. With the exception of that year in Bend (not my choice), I have always lived near water. Specifically I have always lived in close proximity to an ocean. I cannot imagine living otherwise.

As I drove on Sunday, I started thinking about my relationship with the Pacific. The most time I have spent on beaches has been in San Diego and Mexico. But that is not my Pacific -- the one that I got to know during my childhood.

My Pacific is often shrouded in fog that hides the possible dangers. While the cove may look inviting, any native of northern California has a number of things running through his/her mind.

"If I go into the water, how long before the hypothermia sets in?"

"Is there a riptide? Why ask this ridiculous question? Of course, there's a riptide."

"Where is the tide right now? I know there are probably rocks. But are there ones that I can't see right now?"

"If I go out far enough, is there something prehistoric lurking beneath the surface that will try to make me a permanent part of the ocean?"

We think all of these things but we are drawn back by the hypnotic sound of the waves crashing.

The Pacific of places like San Diego? It is warm and inviting. My Pacific is a bit darker, menacing. It dares us to confront it. To reconcile it all.

And maybe it's for this reason that I find peace while looking at my Pacific. Especially after a week in which I have been called all kinds of horrid things by people who claim to love me.