So many things

So since that last post I've been meaning to write. The stuff there? A temporary setback. That was a sign of my warring inner selves -- the one who knows these people cannot be trusted and the one who wants to believe that people will understand and respect what I say. Notice I did not say agree. Unlike my mom, I'm not looking for agreement. All I've ever wanted is understanding.


I first thought of writing on Thursday night when I got home and found this lad howling on my deck. Seems he wanted in. And he eventually got his way. I refused to name him though since once you name them, they're yours. I sent him home with a coworker on Friday. Hopefully now he has a new home.


I took a half day on Friday. Besides packing up the kitten to go home with my coworker, I had my hair done and got a pedicure. Lesson learned is that I should not wait this long between pedicures. Another lesson learned is that I should take more time for me.


Finally, Drummer Boy was supposed to show up this weekend. In younger days, I would be crying over this slight. (Especially since I did not find out until Friday afternoon that he was not showing up -- because I texted him. Thin rope.) So I continued on with my weekend plans. I know you've seen this before but it's been quite some time since I have grilled ribs. And once it's lit, you just have to throw other stuff on it. I had to make sure that I had not forgotten what I learned. It was basically a practice run.

This year for my birthday, I'm hosting a BBQ. Last year I invited one of my coworkers and his wife. They were expecting an invite this year as well. So they responded yes but now they are rethinking. Why? Because the vast majority of the people invited are female. I explained that most of my friends are married and that some will be bringing their husbands. See my coworker didn't want to be the only guy present. So now he wants me to let him know a few days beforehand if other men will be present. My feeling is that if you are so worried about who else will be present, then you don't need to be present. So yeah, I uninvited them. Life's too short for that kind of bullshit in my opinion.

Final thought of the weekend is this song. I first heard it on "Ugly Betty" when they played it for the first dance at Hilda's wedding. I was near tears. I'm pretty sure that Maddie was bawling. After hearing it, I thought that I could suggest it to my dad and his fiance for their wedding -- because I was still speaking to them then. So if one of y'all out there is planning on getting married, I highly recommend this song to you. Although I still love Stevie Wonder's "As" but that song is something like six minutes long.

And maybe soon I'll be able to put together something that isn't as rambling in the near future.

Coming to terms with Holly

Now if you've been around long enough, you've heard me throw around the phrase "inner Holly." And I know some of y'all are thinking,"What the hell is she talking about?"

I guess it all started back when I was nine or so and watched "Breakfast at Tiffany's" for the first time with my aunt. I thought Holly was so glamorous. I wanted to be her when I grew up. Hey! I said I was nine. It took me years to figure out how Holly made her money.

Over the years being Holly has become much less literal. It's that feeling of "I'm fabulous no matter what anyone else says. Not that I'm listening to them anyway because the only opinion that matters is mine." Whew. That was a mouthful. It's about living life to its fullest and generally having a good time.

Here's the thing that I've noticed over the years. In order for my inner Holly to come out, then I have to be feeling good about myself. Because being Holly is all about being confidence. And it's hard to be confident, when one doesn't think highly of one's self.

So this week has been all about the inner Holly. And thinking, "Shouldn't she be part of my everyday life instead of just making these occasional appearances?" Because now I know how to reel her in when she gets a little too wild.

I have rituals that I go through to reach this point. There's the trip to the salon to get the hair looking just right. There's the fresh pedicure. Taming the wild eyebrows. Why these things? Because these are the first things to go when I'm not feeling good and just want to curl up in the bed in the fetal position. There are also the things like doing laundry and other cleaning. The laundry is key. Holly needs to have lots of wardrobe choices.

Reading this, it comes off a tad superficial to me. But here's the thing. I do these things for me, not for someone else. Sure, it's nice when someone says, "Hey. Your hair looks great," but they're just confirming what I already know. Because after all of the various beauty ministrations, I end up wearing what happens to make me feel good that day. One day it could be a cute spring dress. The next could be jeans, a t-shirt, a hoodie and flip flops. Being Holly used to be about walking out with a full face of make-up. Now it's about being comfortable enough to go out for an evening wearing lipstick at the most. If the makeup makes you feel good, then do it. I just don't have to in order to feel that way.

I guess the best way to put it all is that embracing your inner Holly is all about taking care of yourself. Doing those little things for yourself that no one else may do. Because you know it makes you feel good. And knowing in the end that when you feel good, then others may actually want to be around you. And isn't that a part of what life is all about?

Tonight after work, I headed to the salon for part one of the hair process. That's right. I said, "Part one." As in I will be returning tomorrow for the finish of the 'do. I usually bring my own reading material. Tonight I used the time to catch up on a couple of months worth of cooking magazines. I know. Strange. I usually tear through them as soon as they arrive. Four magazines later, I suddenly feel inspired to cook. Next week.

I knew that I'd be having leftover butter chicken with brown rice but what green stuff as the sag paneer was no more? Also it's been a little warm around here these last few days so I knew that I wanted something kind of refreshing. There were loads of salads in the magazines. I thought I'd do something with the romaine I have in the fridge. And then I saw the photo with the avocado. And I remembered that I had bought some earlier in the week. And there were grapefruit sections. At this point, I briefly thought of Cookiecrumb who taught me that there is actually a term for this -- supreming. Call me weird but I find the whole process to be kind of relaxing.

A quick stop at the grocery store after the salon to pick up butter lettuce and some grapefruit. I supremed a grapefruit. (The rest is in a container in the fridge.) Tossed the leaves in a little walnut oil and sherry vinegar. Chopped up some avocado. Right before eating, I decided to hit it with a little black pepper.

Now I just have to figure out when I'm going to make the mahi mahi with my favorite salsa that involves supremed citrus.

The power of the skirt

So I'm still texting away with that guy I met at the firefighter party. Here's the thing though. He's always working. So we text a great deal but rarely see one another. This weekend would be an example of such. And this weekend I will actually be home for the first time in weeks. and faced with the task of unpacking. Well, I'm all about procrastination. So it was off to Berkeley this evening after work.

The first stop was for some shopping. I'd love to tell you more about it but ... You know the rest of that.


The next stop was to get a pedicure. And once I was there, I decided that a manicure wouldn't hurt in the least.

As my nails were drying, I called Gregoire to place my order.



After picking up the food from Gregoire, I probably should have headed home but noooo. I had to go to my old hangout. It had been six months since they had last seen me. Just like me, my bartender had a new look. Didn't matter. He still looks hot. Kind of like me.


Then I met this really cool guy. (Ummm. Yeah. Still chatting with the guy from the party but like I said -- he's crazy busy.) Oops. And I forgot. Before I met this guy, my bartender came over to tell me that some random guy had bought my next drink. And I said thank you and started to chat with the new guy. But new guy disappeared while I was trying to settle my tab. Perhaps because while we had been outside, some other guy had settled into his seat when we returned. And new new guy let me grab my original seat -- the one that was next to him. And sad thing is that I don't remember new guy's name but I remember new new guy's name. May have something to do with the fact that I kept catching new new guy's eye while I had been talking to new guy. Bottom line? I promptly took my ass home.

Oh, and the dress thing? I had a pretty good idea of how my day would end when I walked into the work. My boss exclaimed, "You're wearing a dress! You have legs!" And then later one of the VP's asked,"You look nice. Do you have a date tonight?"

I usually wear khakis to work. And now I'm known as the smart girl at work. But I wonder if I had been wearing skirts/dresses all along if that would still be the case. When I got to work, I usually look pretty frumpy compared to the other women. And I get to be one of the guys. And I know they have total respect for me. Just how I want it. Because when you're a woman who has been told that she's pretty, you sometimes wonder about the motivation of others and so you learn how to dim it all. This might be why I go all out on weekends. Too much time being dim the rest of the week.

But every now and then you like to shine. Screw what everyone else thinks.