One is the magic number

You sit and remember reading The Sound and the Fury all those years ago. You think of Benjy suddenly remembering Caddie from all those years prior because he smelled some flowers that reminded him of her. At the time you read something else that said that smell memories are the strongest. Perhaps. For you it's always been about music. Long before "Ally McBeal" you believed that life needed a soundtrack. You hear a song and instantly remember a person or place. The soundtrack is the one thing you never doubted, questioned.

As you planned your life, the most frequent question that arose was, "Why?" You asked this in high school as you sat around on a Saturday night playing solitaire while watching "The Love Boat" and "Fantasy Island" and in the back of your head "At Seventeen" played. Later when your carefully made plans went astray, you asked, "Why?" Somewhere along the way you just stopped asking. Sometimes things just are.

This is what you tell yourself every time someone asks you why you've never married. Well, aren't you dating now? And what about kids? You can't go down that road because that just opens up that whole can of whys.

Part of the price of blocking these questions is putting up your guard. Living on the defensive. But you've had way too many years of practice at this and are quite adept. Frankly sometimes you occasionally allow yourself the thought that this is why you are single. Your guardedness. And you remember how it all started, a form of survival. But then you shove it back into that place where all things about which you do not want to think -- or at least not for that moment -- are kept. Besides that's a tale of its own.

And really? Most days you like your life. You like not having to answer to anyone else. You like being able to pack your bag on a whim and leave town on some new adventure. And you realize that this is what gets you past the whys and turn the Jill Scott up a smidge more.

Venturing out

Yes, it's been about a month since I last posted. Most of my dining has been pretty boring -- not even photo worthy. It was survival eating. I have completed the 30 days of Paleo and am no longer sticking to it 100%. While I haven't gained any weight back, I have noticed a slight shift in my sleeping patterns. Still not the full-blown insomnia but still. Not severe enough for me to eschew those foods I truly love though.

I awoke this morning with a taste for barbeque. Normally I head to either KC's in Berkeley or Everett & Jones in either Berkeley or Hayward. Today I wanted something different so I read a bunch of online reviews. Decided to give The Brick Pig's House a try. (And was kind of sad to realize that it is in a neighborhood in which I looked at homes. I so need to move.)

The Brick Pig's boasts that their BBQ is Southern style instead of the usual KC style. Besides reading about this in online reviews and their website, I also got to hear this from the owner/cook. While I waited for my order, she came out to chat. She stuck around once I replied, "Yes, this is my first time here." We discussed the other places I usually frequent. We talked about differences in BBQ. I mentioned that my mother is from Virginia and around those parts they tend to make the vinegar-heavy Carolina BBQ. The owner of Brick Pig's knows how to make Carolina style but has decided to stick with the Little Rock, Arkansas recipe of her people.

Order in hand, I sped home. It was different but still tasty. Less smoke flavor than other places. And the sauce -- which I ordered on the side per usual -- had more of a vinegar tang than most. As such, it wasn't cloying sweet as the sauce at KC's can sometimes be. Oh, and did I mention that I also got peach cobbler? And that it was still warm when I got home?

Next time I'm trying the brisket. And one of the other cobblers. Because I'm so going back.

Tom Cruise

That's how I feel these days. Like Tom Cruise jumping on a couch while on Oprah. I know. Makes me sound kind of manic compared to my former self. Like I said, I now no longer wake up feeling a fog around my brain. So if that makes me manic, so be it. (Of course shortly after I started this change, my mom has asked on a daily basis, "Why do you sound sad?" Have I sounded sad to y'all?) Then again maybe I'm all like Charlie Sheen. But I'm not in denial; I know I need to make changes.

Monday night I finally tried one of the recipes in The Paleo Solution. Yep, that's spaghetti sauce over green beans. The beans were roasted in the oven. The sauce had no added salt. And there was no cheese on top. But it all tasted oh so good.

I am committed to the 30 days. Over the last few years I have learned that I can indeed make commitments. (Huge life changing event was passing my three year anniversary at work making this is the longest I've stayed at any one place.) I have a deep love of cheese, yogurt, and ice cream. I doubt I'm done with them. But now I'm afraid of them. I now feel that if I eat these things, I will be physically ill. And I'm going to ignore my coworkers -- most of whom are overweight -- when they say that I'm on my way to being anorexic. Sorry but I eat all day long and don't regurgitate yet I'm eating disordered because I'm smaller than you are? First of all beyotch you should have caught me ten years ago when I was completely disordered. Second of all, fuck all you beyotches who sit back and think that because a woman wears a single digit size, she must be anorexic. I don't go around saying that just because a woman wears a double digit, she must push away from the table. Well except for my aunt but then again my thing with her has always been making different food choices. Believe me. If I still lived in Virgina, I'd be shoving this down her throat. I'm tired of losing people to health reasons.

So that's right, beyotches. I plan to be here for some time. Suck it up.

Going old school

If you read my Facebook page, then you know that a week ago I started the Paleo diet. I have spent the past week seeing the fat that I've been fighting to rid myself of just melting off. That's part of what keeps me motivated.

I had originally thought that giving up dairy would be hard but it really hasn't. Yes, I crave fruit juice -- and when I do I eat some fresh fruit. Giving up grains and legumes? Not a problem at all.

I called Zombie Mom on Thursday to ask her why she had stressed how wonderful this way of eating feels? She asked how I had been sleeping. And then I realized. I no longer have insomnia. I have had sleep problems since high school and had just accepted it as a normal for me. Now no more tossing and turning. No more waking up in the middle of the night. And when I wake up in the morning, I'm alert and clear headed. And I have energy all day. So I'm sticking with the 30 day plan. After the 30 days are up, I know I will have the occasional dairy. I just love cheese a little too much. And yogurt. But for the most part, this will be my life.

Best of all, it has forced me to go back to the kitchen. Pictured above is one of this week's meals -- a stew of pork and kabocha. Yep, this is even better than the last time I tried to shed those pesky pounds.

Throwing in the towel

First of all, I'd like to apologize. You should have been able to see this post Wednesday morning. Thing is that I was so sick of food that it's taken me this long to write this post. Not anything against this restaurant. I actually loved the place. The problem was that I had consumed way too much in the days before I arrived there. And now I really appreciate the starving model jokes. Kind of.

Jade asked me how much weight I had gained from all my dining. The truth is that I have probably lost weight since I arrived in New York. There was all that walking. And truth be told, I never ate the entire entree. My stomach just is not capable of it. But as I said before, I love tasting new things so I paced myself accordingly.

I continued my dining Monday night at Aquavit. This was one of the other places at which I was excited to dine.

The first shock was when they asked me about preferences and food allergies. Really? I should have mentioned my displeasure with pistachios. But I figured that they would look pretty in a photo and I could pick around them.

The next part of the experience was the selection of breads. I chose the sourdough and some sort of rye. Now I'm not a huge bread person but that rye was addictive. Heck. I might just return for that bread.

And then they had the audacity to offer an amuse bouche. If I remember correctly, it was salmon with creme fraiche.


I alao heeded Fluffycat's admonition. And so I went for the salad for my starter instead of the tartare. And what a wonderful salad it was. But I usually avoid salads as they are something I can do at home and so feel cheated in ordering them. But I don't think I'd make the smoked goat cheese croquettes.


Next up was the pork belly. If I remember correctly (Yes, I know I could look at the menu online but I'm lazy.), it came with a Yukon mash and a porter truffle sauce. Heavenly.


I ended it all with the Arctic Circle. This was a parfait of goat cheese and a lingenberry sorbet. Oh and pistachios. But I don't eat those. When I posted this photo on Facebook, Jade said that it looked too pretty to eat. I ate it all.

And then when I received my check, they gave me a $50 gift certificate that expires at the end of March. Since I doubt I'll be back in New York before then, I gave the certificate to Lisa B -- who suggested that I come for Restaurant Week in the first place.

Yes, I would gladly return to Aquavit but I'd really like to try out Samuelsson's new place, Red Rooster.

Ladies who lunch

My next stop on my gut-busting outings was lunch yesterday at David Burke Townhouse. When I showed Maddie their website on Saturday, he made appreciative sounds over their decor. I made similar sounds about their food. After a brisk walk over, I knew that I could put away a little food at least.

I was eagerly awaiting this lunch and decided to splurge a bit by ordering items that cost a little extra.


First up? The Parfait of Sockeye Tuna and Salmon Tartares. So good I ate it all.


This was followed by the Braised Beef Short Rib. Heavenly! But I still had dessert coming so I had them pack half of it up. David apparently is not a fan of mushrooms but said that the rest of it was delish.


Finally the Warm & Crisp Apple Tart. The server placed it before me and then poured caramel sauce over it from a small pitcher.

I could have returned to California after this meal but there was more dining to be done. I know I would gladly return to this restaurant -- as long as I don't have to sit next to the second pair that showed up. If only they could have been as charming as the ladies who were wrapping up lunch when I arrived and kept insisting that I partake of the Cheesecake Lollipop Tree they had ordered. But I needed the space in my stomach. Should have at least taken a photo for y'all though. It was just so pretty. Next trip.

What have I gotten myself into?

As you may already know, I have made a trip to New York for restaurant week. For the beginning of my vacation, go check out Maddie's post. Now the dining has begun.

Last night I joined Lisa at Perilla. (For those of you who watch "Top Chef," Perilla is Harold Dieterle's restaurant.)


We started with the spicy duck meatballs. Lisa had heard that these were one of the specialties. I don't recommend them for David as they are indeed spicy.


Next up was the fish special of the day -- a Montauk fluke, if I remember correctly.


And to finish it all off, gingerbread cake.

The food was delicious. The company wonderful. And fortunately I have more hours before I must dine once more. I have realized this will be quite the challenge. While I love tasting new things, I just can't seem to eat as much as I used to. And hopefully my future photos will be of better quality.