Watchtowers of the west

First things first. Happy birthday, Zombie Mom. I'm not sure if this post would exist at this time if not for you.

Over the last few weeks I have had a number of conversations with Zombie Mom about my dad's situation amongst other things. I remember telling her that my dad's only coping mechanism is drinking. She asked what mine are and I never answered.

My fallback is usually music. I put on my headphones and let myself get lost. I get to go through all the memories associated with a song. Or if it is a song without the associations, I imagine what I think they should be. But music is often about someone else's creativity.

This past week I wrote back and forth on Facebook with a woman who has been my friend since we were 12 -- a woman with whom I do not need to explain my history because she was there for most of it all. She like Zombie Mom is a Pisces. And it hit me that for so many of us water folks being creative is necessary for a sense of balance. My friend reminded me of all the sewing I used to do. And I do have ideas but right now they just feel so ambitious. That's why I started knitting again in the fall. I wanted something smaller, more manageable. I have yet to finish those projects though. And I really needed to finish something.

Then it came to me -- the task that incorporates two of my great loves -- research and creativity. Once upon a time I used to make incenses and oil blends. Although they take minimal effort -- well, except for deciding what to blend -- there is the great satisfaction in creating something that has purpose. As I was low on supplies, I drove into Berkeley to visit Lhasa Karnak. And while I am happy with owning my own place, the outing reminded me how much I miss living in Berkeley. I reminded myself that where I am now is merely a stop along the way and not the final destination. One day.

The larger bottle contains a blend that I used to make for my aunt that I call All Things in Balance. It is not only a blend of four scents that represent the elements but of qualities that I believe that one wants when things are out of control -- peace, strength, happiness and protection. I use distilled water as the carrier for this blend as it is meant to be an aromatherapy type blend. The smaller bottle contains another blend of oils in a carrier of jojoba oil. This one is meant to be applied to the skin and I blend these based on the individual.

I feel inspired. I dream of making more incense, candles. I dream of rediscovering my deck of cards because I miss the woman who walked into a pub one evening and sat reading cards for the endless line of people while telling them that it was OK as long as my pint glass stayed full. I miss doing natal charts and hearing the wonder in someone's voice as they read through my writing and saw the talents that they had tried to hide from others as well as themselves. I miss finding order in the chaos.

And so Zombie Mom, I would like to say thank you for making me think of all of this for the first time in a number of years.